this entry is gonna be hella confusing but oh well...you can try to follow it if you want..
i felt like shit this morning when i woke up my head hurt so bad and i felt like i was going to throw up all over the place, but i went to school anyways. i got ready for school...just pulled my hair up and stuff, then jarred called me, he was bein so..ugh..i dunno. last night he told shannon i never talked to him and things have been different since we got in that fight sunday. i know what was wrong now, but at the time i didn't. we'll get to that later though. anyways i went to school feelin like shit, and confused as hell...things between me and him were so fucked up! i went to first and second period, and during directed studies i went to my english teacher and got my work, then i went to directed studies called my mom and came home...i slept all day. i came home around 11:30 something and i slept from then until 3-3:30ish. when i woke up i talked to shannon about everything with jarred, then i ended up callin kelly and talkin to her about it and later on jarred actually called me but i didn't answer, i was to mad and confused i didnt know what i was feeling. about an hour later i called him back but it didnt go that good, so we got off the phone and he called jonathan and jonathan told lauren and donny to talk to me, but i ended up talkin to lauren and jonathan more then i did lauren and donny. then we called jarred and i guess me and him are just taking a break b/c i need time to figure out what i need to make me happy, and what i want out of this, and to decide if im willing to love someone again, because right now im not and i had been telling jarred i loved him b/c i had that pressure from him telling me...but im just not ready to fall inlove right now. so he told me hed give me all the time i needed b/c he really does love me and he wants this to work and i really appreciate him being so understanding about it. anyways i have 4 job applications i have to turn in sometime this weekend or next weekend, sometime before my birthday, and if i dont get any of these jobs im just gonna stick to lake winnie. i have 3 summative tasks for school to do, and one speech. im tied up...blah. i listened to this one song today...and its kinda makes me think, alot. it reminds me of my life and how im changing from how i use to be and im really not ashamed of it...yes now time for lyrics! oh, i have a picture of me and jarred, but i need a new server, so if anyone knows a good server, post a comment please, thanks! =]
( -and i can't believe i'm not ashamed to be the person that i am today-Collapse )